Seriously!?!
I had prepared perfectly, but when my stomach gets upset, as it does randomly, its sensitive for up to a week. I moan and remember that yesterday, my stomach was fine in a few hours. So, I did the dishes, I took a shower, and I got everything ready to go. My stomach was still off. Then I got dressed and found with horror I was out of socks. Needless to say, I got out around 10am. I walked out and found it very pleasant... until I walked into the sun. It was not pleasant. I know my stomach was still iffy, it was hot, humid, and I was already a little hungry. But, I had something that I don't usually find until race day: adrenaline.
I was restless, I was pumped for a long run, and I wanted to run. So, I did. I decided I'd been running in the hot humidity all summer and I would be just fine.
Garmin Connect - Activity Details for Long Run: 18 miles
2 Miles: I feel AWESOME! and I'm running way too fast and must slow down (I want to do 8:30-9 minute miles)
4.3 Miles: You Make Me Want to Shout starts on my playlist. I think of weddings. I wish I was with a pack of runners and we could all yell out "hey-ey-ey-ey" together, in a pack. We would clearly be the coolest people ever. My pace jumps.
5.8 Miles: I've now counted 5 male, shirtless runners with amazing abs. I thank them silently for making my run much more pleasant.
6.1 Miles: I reach the bridge where I'm supposed to turn around.
6.3 Miles: An overweight, hairy male without a shirt on a bike. I silently tell him to put one on.
7 Miles: I'm hungry. Starving. I take a break and take out a granola bar and wash it down with a bottle of gatorade in 4.5 seconds.
7.2 Miles: Its very difficult to get my pace up again. And then, the perfect song comes onto my iPod. I Get Knocked Down, by Chumbawamba. I change the lyrics in my head to:
It works like a charm. No more accelerating, I'm back on pace.
I slow down, I pick it up again, you're never gonna keep me down.
I slow down, I pick it up again, you're never gonna keep me down.
She gets some water drink.
She gets some energy drink.
She goes to the fountain, to get another drink.
She listens to songs that remind her of the good times,
She listens to songs that remind her of the best times....
9 Miles: HALF-WAY DONE!! I start thinking, I feel good durner-ner-ner-ner-ner and I knew that I would now... and then I realize I'm actually singing it to myself. There is no one around. I keep singing.
9.2 Miles: I'm running too fast. Perfect song for that starts playing: Stop, by the Spice Girls. So perfect that I actually start laughing.
10 Miles: WATER BREAK!! I guzzle down more gatorade.
10.3 Miles: I missed my bridge. Fuck.
11.6 Miles: I am looking forward to the water fountain. I decide it will be right at 13.1 miles, and then I will run at race-pace after, from 8-8.20 minutes/mile pace.
12.2 Miles: I just threw up a little in my mouth. Maybe I won't.
13.1 Miles: WHY ISN'T BON JOVI'S LIVING ON A PRAYER IN MY RUNNING PLAYLIST!!!!!!! I cross over the bridge I missed to make up for the distance. I reach 13.1 in 1:50, which is good for training.
15 Miles: 3 miles to go, 3 miles to go, 3 miles to go... crap its hot out.
16.2 Miles: Go to cross the street after the Tidal Basin but there is a car coming. Its moving at .2 miles per hour to look at the pretty monument. If I dash out, it might be when he decides to speed up, so I glare and think, FUCKING DRIVE!
I don't think it. I realize this when the 8 year old next to me looks up and his mother positively glares at me. I don't apologize. Its been 16 miles.
16.7 Miles: I realize that I'm not even close to home. I decide if I run the last mile as hard as I can, I can walk home.
17 Miles: I put on the song Shine, and pick it up to a 6 minute mile pace.
17.2 Miles: Seriously?! Only .2 down?! I almost run over 2 kids.
17. 4 Miles: Just hit the sun. Its hot. Its really hot out.
17.45 Miles: Yes a traffic break... but there are no cars. Dammit.
17.5 Miles: I realize the last .2 miles will be uphill. How fucking fitting.
17.6 Miles: I decide I am very likely to throw up at the top of the hill, I slow down.
17.8 Miles: Getting up Capitol Hill. I can't breathe. Some Taylor Swift song starts playing and I yank my earphones off.
17.99 Miles: Not at the top yet.
18.1 Miles: I'm done, I'm wheezing, tourist are staring at me. I realize I have over a mile walk home. Fuck. I made it in 2:39:14.
I took my shirt off, I guzzled down water. I reallllyyyy had to pee and almost started jogging home. But I didn't. I also almost offer sexual favors to the man in the convertible if he drives me home, but I'm decided I wasn't really that desperate.
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I'm aware I have a dirty mouth/thoughts while exhausted. Deal with it.
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